Out of the ashes

Last week took its toll on me and actually went a whole week without drinking. It sounds pretty pathetic but it definitely clears your mind and helps you focus. It seems that everyone has the plague and you know things are getting bad when even the vossman bossman has got red eyes and a crusty look that he's been through about 5 boxes of cleenex and cough drops. I'm not sure how I narrowly escaped this epidemic. My theory is that waking up at 6am everyday for the past week somehow pushed me over the hump and scared the sickness away. Like that carnival game with the bowling ball you have to push on the track. I always had a theory in college about the tri-fector curing all the ails you. Here's how it works, if you're feeling ill and you going to be sick anyways, you might as shock you're system with beer, booze, and cheeba to the point of synergy between your achiness from sickness and your hangover. In each isolated circumstance you would feel like garbage but when combined together the two negatives multiply by each other to make a positive. You end up feeling like the bear floating on a cloud in the Downy commercials. Of course this has only worked once but I swear to live by it. So next time your feeling haggard, give it a try it might just blow your mind into submission. It is very reminiscent of old medicine using electro shock therapy or leeches. With that being said, I guess I'm doing society a favor by not going to medical school. Take two shots of Jameson and a quarter doobie and that should clear up that hay fever. What your bones ache too, I've got just cure, get into the handstand position and do a 60 count while doing a keg stand, you'll forget all about your achey bones.